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Rabbit (from MarkH) (top)
The SAS, the Marines and the British Police decide to go on a survival weekend together to see who comes out on top. After some basic exercises the trainer tells them that their next objective is to go down into the woods and catch a rabbit, returning with it ready to skin and cook.
Night falls.
First up - the SAS. They don infrared goggles, drop to the ground and crawl into the woods in formation. Absolute silence for 5 minutes, followed by the unmistakable muffled "phut-phut" of their trademark silenced "double-tap". They emerge with a large rabbit shot cleanly between the eyes.
"Excellent!" remarks the trainer.
Next up - the Marines. They finish their cans of lager, smear themselves with camouflage cream, fix bayonets and charge down into the woods, screaming at the top of their lungs. For the next hour the woods ring with the sound of rifle and machine-gun fire, hand grenades, mortar bombs and blood curdling war cries. Eventually they emerge, carrying the charred remains of a rabbit.
"A bit messy, but you achieved the aim; well done", says the trainer.
Lastly, in go the coppers, walking slowly, hands behind backs whistling Dixon of Dock Green. For the next few hours, the silence is only broken by the occasional crackle of a walkie-talkie "Sierra Lima Whisky Tango Fanta One, suspect headed straight for you..." etc. After what seems an eternity, they emerge escorting a squirrel in handcuffs.
"What the hell do you think you are doing?" asks the incredulous trainer, "Take this squirrel back and get me a rabbit like I asked you five hours ago!".
So back they go. Minutes pass. A minute turn to hours, night drags on and turns to day. The next morning, the trainer and the other teams are awakened by the police, still holding the handcuffed squirrel, now covered in bruises, with one eye nearly shut.
"Are you taking the piss!!??" asks the now seriously irate trainer.
The police team leader nudges the squirrel, who squeaks:
"Alright, alright, I'm a f******' rabbit!"
This is so true..... (from Tiff) (top)
CIVVY FRIENDS: Get upset if you're too busy to talk to them for a week
MILITARY FRIENDS: Are glad to see you after years, and will happily carry
on the same conversation you were having last time you met...
CIVVY FRIENDS: Never ask for food
MILITARY FRIENDS: Are the reason you have no food.
CIVVY FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr. And Mrs.
CIVVY FRIENDS: Bail you out of jail and tell you what you did was wrong.
MILITARY FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you saying, Damn...we screwed
Up...but that shit was fun!"
CIVVY FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.
MILITARY FRIENDS: Cry with you.
CIVVY FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back.
MILITARY FRIENDS: Keep your stuff so long they forget it's yours.
CIVVY FRIENDS: know a few things about you.
MILITARY FRIENDS: Could write a book with direct quotes from You.
CIVVY FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that's what the crowd is doing.
MILITARY FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you.
CIVVY FRIENDS: Would knock on your door.
MILITARY FRIENDS: Walk right in and say, "I'm home!"
CIVVY FRIENDS: Are for a while.
MILITARY FRIENDS: Are for life.
CIVVY FRIENDS: Will take your drink away when they think you've had enough.
MILITARY FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place and say,
"Bitch, you better drink the rest of that, you know we don't waste..
That's alcohol Abuse!!"
CIVVY FRIENDS: Will talk shit to the person who talks shit about you.
MILITARY FRIENDS: Will knock them the hell out!!
CIVVY FRIENDS: Will ignore this.
MILITARY FRIENDS: Will forward this
Military Language Conversion Chart (top)
NAVY |
ARMY |
AIR FORCE |
Heads |
Bogs |
Powder Room |
Pit |
Bunk |
Queen bed electric blanket & duvet |
Galley/dining hall |
Cookhouse |
Restaurant |
Pussers Cook |
Mess Cook |
Contract Chef |
Wet |
Brew |
Vanilla Skim Latte' with a bickie |
Limers / Goffa |
Can'o'drink |
Shirley Temple |
No 4's/Coveralls |
Plain Clothes |
Casual Attire |
Seaman |
Private |
Bobby / Jimmy |
Chief |
Sergeant Major |
Timothy / Julian |
Captain |
Colonel |
Rupert / James |
Defaulters |
Orders |
The naughty step |
Mess/Cabin |
Barracks |
Self contained Apartment |
Kecks/Trolleys |
Underwear |
Knickers |
DQ's |
Put in Confinement |
Grounded |
No 1's |
No 1’s |
Armani Suit |
Lid / Cap |
Beret/Titfor |
Optional |
Stores |
QM's |
Westfield Shopping Mall |
Hammered |
Pissed/Sh*t Faced |
Oops, little tipsy... |
Deployment/ Detachment |
Deploy |
Huh? |
Trainers |
Athletic Shoes |
Moccasins |
Die for your Country |
Die for your Battle Buddy |
Die for Air Conditioning |
Shipmate/Oppo |
Battle Buddy/mucker |
Honey/Babe/Pookie |
Waste |
Take Out |
Back on Base for Nuck Night |
DMS boots |
Jump Boots |
Ugg Boots |
Pussers Sandals |
JC Sandals |
Patent Leather Stilettos |
SBS |
SAS |
Librarian |
Shore Patrol |
Monkeys |
Chaperones |
Oouh-Rah! |
Hoo-ah! |
Hip-Hip hurray! Jolly Good |
Bag meal |
Rat Packs |
Al a Carte |
Chop one off |
Salute |
Wave |
Obstacle Course |
Confidence Course |
Typing Course |
Parade Drill |
Drill Practice |
What? |
Canteen |
Snack Bar |
McHappy Meal |
RNFT |
PFT |
Smoko Ping Pong Comps |
EWO |
RSM |
OIC Cuddles |
Midshipman |
Officer Cadet |
Debutant |
Jack Tar |
Joe Squaddie |
RAFFY Chappy |